I would just like to reflect on my relationship with wiley for a moment, after a bit of a melt down from him today. Early in the afternoon I watched Wiley and york play a very rough-ish game where they roared at each other and chased each other. It looked like a lot of fun, I shot some video, so it may get onto flickr. Well, later this afternoon while Archer was napping, I thought I would try to play this game with Wiley, too. It didn't work. For a few minutes Wiley played back, but then broke down in tears and sobbed something like, I don't want to play this with mommy. I think what he was trying to say was, mom, your role in my life is different. You don't play rough, you feed me, change my diapers, give me baths, tell me stories, color, make cookies, etc. Before Archer, Wiley and I would play rough, but now all my interactions with Wiley are subdued, mostly because Archer's usually in a carrier on my chest or in my arms, but I think, too because our relationship has expanded to a real mother-son type relationship, not a playmate relationship nor is he an extension of myself any longer. Which, is age appropriate, according to Freud (maybe a bit early), as well as lots of other developmental sociologists; Wiley now identifies more with York/males and as an independent person and sees me as someone who tends to his needs, as a separate person; that I'll take care of things and I'm not his friend, but his Mom; something more important and consistent. Daily he asks me, "what do you do with your boys and girls?" To which I always answer, "I feed them breakfast, lunch, dinner, I change diapers, I go to the store and buy groceries, I do laundry, I give them baths, I put band aids on their boo boos...etc" (naming everything I do for my 'boys and girls.') I think this line of questioning helps orient him to the new understanding of our relationship. Also, the other night when Wiley and Archer were in the bath together, Wiley was fascinated with Archer's penis. "look at his pee pee mom" then he would grab his own and say "I will show him my penis." Total male identification/association.
This morning Archer was sleeping in the bassinet when Wiley crawled into bed and cuddled up to me, it was the first time since Archer's been here that Wiley tried to have cuddle boobie time, but he was easily dissuaded. It's funny to me how quickly he's forgotten how much he loved nursing and/or cuddle boobie time. Oh well, it's an expansion of our relationship, which is how I'm framing it now, instead of a loss. Just a natural progression of what will only continue. He will continue to need me less and grow into independence more. This is totally making me tear up, so I still need to practice my reframing or the next 15 1/2 years are going to suck.