i was going to post about sibling rivalry and how aggressive Wiley and Archer can be (but they are equally as kind and gentle), so it seemed unfair. But as I thought about what I was going to write it morphed a bit and I'm realizing how much having these two boys is making me think about my relationship with Sarah as a child.

Wiley and Archer compete for goods and space (me mostly) all day, and while thinking about this I realized how strange it is to love them both truly equally even if I can't always show it equally. All the time when they are competing I have momentary thoughts about Sarah and me. I always thought that she was mum's favorite, but now I am realizing that the first child is always trying to regain that proprietary spot in his/her parents' lives and will always feel a little less loved and jealous because of the displacement of his/her role as the primary object of affection no matter the parents' attempts at fairness. And, maybe that younger child did need more protecting (as mum now says) and I interpreted that as favoritism. (Which makes sense, the more I saw mum protecting (and as I saw it favoring and loving) sarah, the more jealous I was, and the meaner I was to her, so the more mum protected/favored/loved and the more jealous I was so the meaner I was so the more she was protected/favored/loved etc...

If I was anything like Wiley is, because I am older, and more able to speak, more able to move, more able to know how to get my needs met, I took the parental love all day long, hogged it a bit, so when mum (I) had (have) an opporutnity to give some to Sarah (Archer) which would be the same time that I (Wiley) could observe it from afar and therefore wasn't getting it myself (himself) I (Wiley) immediately interpreted it as a slight. Which explains why when one is in my lap and the other sees it the other will stop whatever he is doing to try to insert himself between me and the lap sitter. Wiley uses his words/hands/size; Archer uses his hands/teeth/size.

I have these weird questionings--very fleeting--when trying to figure out who is responsible for arguments and fights since I remember how much I hated always being in trouble and being held responsible for things. Because I was older it was assumed I should have known better, had better impulse control, etc. (I try very hard not to do this to Wiley, but I have done it and still do, probably daily--I'm working on it though). Anyway I think is Wiley innocent and Archer is the aggressor? But am I just assuming it's Wiley because he's older? Or, am I letting Wiley off the hook in some desired do-over of my own childhood--wishing I had that leniency? I am very conscious about making sure they are both usually redirected and one isn't let off the hook.

Anyway, I'll be interested to hear about how this plays out when Carolyn gets to baby #3 and Sarah gets to baby #2.

Archer has figured out how to walk backwards, just a few steps, but he thinks it's hilarious.
Wiley called in from the other room the other day and shouted, "dad, this game is freaking awesome." He's figured out how to maneuver all over the droid phone, it's a bit insane.